March 21 brought us into a new world of thought and emotions. we had come to grasp the possibility of downs syndrome/special needs and were prepared to come home with those results. After the doctor read the ultrasound, we were given a diagnosis of "trisomy 18". Her head is small and misshapen. Her nose and chin are small and somewhat inset. Her fingers are folded down. There are brain and heart defects. Her position is very low. She almost sits down inside my pelvic bone. The doctor could not see some of her because of her position. Hearing that your child has a 50% chance of miscarrying/stillbirth is a hard piece of information to swallow. We were told that should she live on the outside of me, her life span would be short.... hours, weeks. she probably wouldn't see her first birthday. Thomas was at home with Kirk's parents and they had planned to stay as long as we needed them. We thought we might have a lunch date and maybe do a little shopping on the way home. We drove from the clinic lot straight to our driveway and ran inside to hold Thomas.
As we spent the next hours and days processing all of this news, we experienced (and still are) an outpouring of love, support, and prayers that is impossible to describe. We would not be this strong if it weren't for our family of faith. It literally spans the globe. To say 'thank you' seems so trivial, but we beg you to know that we cherish each of you and your concern for our family.
We have an appointment on April 11 for a 'fetal echo cardiogram', and a second level 2 ultrasound on the 18th. Until then, I can only take care of her and myself as i know best.... help her to grow. A comforting word that came from the OB was that my body doesn't know that her chromosomes are screwed up. My body is caring for her just like it cared for Thomas. We can hope that she grows and maybe that she will rise up some so that we can 'see' her better and get more accurate measurements.
On a happy note: We took Thomas to the aquarium yesterday and evidently, she enjoyed it too. I felt her move several times. I am only 21 weeks and should just now be feeling her move myself, but she even let her daddy feel her move last night!
This past week, a song came on the radio that really sat strong on my heart. Most specifically the choruses:
"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly"
"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly"
"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly"
('Whatever you're doing (something heavenly)' by Sanctus Real)
So, whatever He's doing inside of me....... it's something heavenly!
